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In almost all romantic relationships, the exhilarating honeymoon phase filled with passion and spontaneous intimacy tends to mellow over time. As couples navigate the demands of children, busy careers, and established routines, finding moments for closeness can become a challenge. To maintain physical connection, some couples find scheduling intimate moments in their calendars helpful. However, don’t overlook the role of emotional connection, which often proves to be more of an aphrodisiac than expected.
Bringing Scheduled Sex and Romance Together
Keeping the flame of passion alive and sustained requires intention, effort, and a willingness to explore new avenues of connection. Intimacy extends beyond physical affection and it often does not require grand gestures. Having meaningful conversations, sharing your dreams and fears, and actively listening to each other without judgment is key. Small, thoughtful signals can demonstrate your attunement to your partner more powerfully than grand ones. Examples include reaffirming your love and devotion to each other. Surprise them with a handwritten love note tucked into their bag or prepare their favourite meal for no reason. Establish continuity with these gestures by carving regular time out for each other. This could be a weekly date night, morning coffee with each other, or an evening stroll. Those simple connections will help make your intimate moments much more emotionally fulfilling.
Scheduled Sex and Self-Care
Of course, self-care and personal growth are key to ensuring you have the reserves to start working on your relationship. Investing time for activities that nourish you physically, and emotionally will help you bring your best self into the relationship. The vitality of your partnership depends on both of you understanding how to love yourself first. Almost everyone has personal “baggage”, which therapists call behaviour patterns. They are the sum total of your life circumstances that make you who you are today. For example, research indicates that children who grow up in neglectful and unsafe environments have difficulty managing their anger. Not understanding how to manage your triggers as an adult could have a detrimental impact on your relationships. Dealing with that underlying factor and understanding yourself will help you to communicate your needs to your partner more effectively.
The Importance of Non-Sexual Touch
Physical touch is a vital ingredient for meaningful connections. While it’s appropriate to value your boundaries to keep acquaintances, colleagues, and strangers at a comfortable distance, with loved ones, it’s a different story. Imagine holding hands on a leisurely walk or snuggling up during a movie. These simple, affectionate gestures can deepen your emotional bond. And guess what? This closeness can reignite the spark in your intimate moments, even when you have to schedule them in advance.
Mutual Growth
Some couples embrace opportunities to spend time together, with mutual interests and hobbies they share. Examples include cooking a meal, learning how to play a musical instrument, or exploring a museum. Discovering things together will help you tap into the sensory experiences of childhood wonder and excitement. Consider a weekend trip to your honeymoon spot or old stomping grounds to rekindle memories of your young love.
Couples with healthy communication can also spice things up by exploring sexual fantasies. This requires an open discussion to ensure you want the same thing and respect each other’s boundaries. Infusing silliness and playfulness into your interactions is a powerful antidote to stress and tension, especially if your intimacy includes scheduled sex.
Celebrate Each Other
Recognizing and celebrating each other’s accomplishments, both big and small can reaffirm your support and commitment to each other. Landing a work promotion or making it through a challenging week, are examples to celebrate your connection. To reciprocate, acknowledge your partner’s kindness with gratitude. These small acknowledgments can foster love and admiration.
Managing Conflicts
Conflicts and misunderstandings are inevitable in any relationship. Building a foundation of empathy and understanding can provide resilience to ride through your differences. Forgiveness and compassion will allow you to acknowledge that you’re both imperfect beings navigating the complexities of life together.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist, introduced Emotionally Focused Therapy to the world over 35 years ago. Since then, peer-reviewed clinical research has proven its effectiveness and EFT is now widely used by therapists across the globe. It is an important evidence-based modality to improve the quality of emotional intimacy between partners. It can cultivate a secure pathway for couples to navigate challenges, communicate effectively, and be vulnerable. EFT underscores the foundational significance of emotional connection, positioning it as a primary determinant of fulfilling sexual partnerships. A therapist specializing in EFT can help couples lay the groundwork to attune to each other’s emotional needs and foster an environment where intimacy can flourish.
At Beaches Therapy Group, we are strong proponents of evidence-based psychotherapy. When you first reach out to us, a complimentary appointment with a member of our intake will allow us to match you with a therapist specifically trained in the modalities that best fit your needs. Many of our therapists have received EFT training, with years of experience to help you bring emotional connection and romance back into your scheduled sex life. Contact us, and let’s discuss how our therapy sessions are a worthwhile investment towards happy and healthy relationships.
